According to Life & Style magazine, Paris Hilton has struck-off one-time party pal Britney Spears from her exclusive list of friends. Apparently Britney is “dying to hang out with Paris,” but Paris, according to an unnamed friend, has “moved on.” This is probably a smart move on Paris’ part, given that she desperately needs to avoid the kind of trouble Britney seems to find herself in on a daily basis. Meanwhile Paris and pal Nicole Richie, having moved on from their much publicized frienemy phase, are still keeping a distance from each other and have not been seen together in recent weeks. Again, this distance may be a good idea since Paris & Co’s incestuous friendships seem to have reached a level of toxicity that’s causing damage to all around. Perhaps if they’d have reacted sooner, all three girls might have avoided the problems they now face. But how do you recognize when friendships are bad for you?
“One of the key signs is when you're uncomfortable with the changes you are making in order to be friends with someone,” says psychotherapist and relationship expert Martin C. Novell. He explains that in social groups, “there’s a pack mentality. Furthermore, each member has a role within the group that helps perpetuate the survival of the group. This serves to develop the group culture, which is composed of values, activities, and how new information is let in so the group can grow and change.”
“If a group is so tight knit, and if boundaries are so impermeable that nothing from the outside can come in, the group tends to cannibalize itself, constantly demanding something new of each other. The demands become so significant that each group member starts to feel inadequate in comparison to the others in the group. The pressure to create something new becomes almost devastating. When positive activities are used up they reach for the dark side for entertainment in order to amuse each other. If the primary value is to entertain and shock, it is easy to see how the group becomes destructive towards each other.”
This certainly rings true with Paris and her precious clique of pals. So what should you do once you recognize a friendship has turned toxic given that we’re brought up to believe that a friend is for life? Should you go against the grain and cut friends off cold? Or try and address behavioral patterns? “It's a matter of whether or not you're willing to risk the friendship and all that it offers,” says Novell. “It's also a matter or whether or not you're close enough to that person to actually have any influence.”
I think if people bring unwanted drama into your life then you should cut them out. That's easier if the friendship has not been a long one. If we're talking about a life longf friend here I'd try to work it out with that person before giving them the axe.